This year was amazing on paper, but there’s more to the story.
- new lays: 14
- highest ever density: 11 lays in 6 months
- highest ever yearly total (previous record: 7)
- Tinder/Hinge: 9
- mixers/nightgame lite: 3
- daygame: 1
- other: 1
- Asian: 64% (🇺🇸, 🇳🇿, 🇨🇦)
- White: 29% (🇺🇸, 🇫🇷)
- Latina: 7% (🇵🇪)
- ratings (average: 6.3)
- 7+: 5
- 6-7: 8
- 5-6: 1
- nurse (x2), software (x2), researcher, secretary, teacher, architect, actress/musician, bartender, writer, designer, hospitality, musician
- way more diverse occupations, but honestly not my cup of tea—have always preferred engineering and life sciences to the arts
- bisexuality, some stories1
- was interested in being with another women, but I’d have to make the intro
- actively wanted a threesome (but again, I’d have to source)
- openly polyamorous and bisexual
- not really bisexual, but had previously gone down on her best friend
- extraordinarily poly and bisexual, actively sought out couples to be their unicorn
- wanted to have her first experience with a woman (no close)
- was dating only women (no close)
- first ever streetgame lay
- closing another French chick hours after flying into NYC
- fucking my first married chick
- third base with a Mexican chick from streetgame (no lay)
- instadate in Boston, possibly a SNL if not for logistics
Beyond the Numbers
The pickup community heavily emphasizes numbers: lay count, approach:number/date/lay ratio, etc. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as numbers are crucial for any methodical skill improvement, but they don’t tell the entire story: despite this being the single most successful year of my pickup journey, my overall satisfaction was at an all-time low. It became clear that raw numbers weren’t sufficient.
[2021, the other view]
- mediocre sex
- it’s reasonably common that a chick has something memorable about her (amazing bj skills, really kinky, good kisser, etc.)
- unfortunately, this year consisted of a high quantity of unremarkable sex
- poor retention
- roughly half of them were short-term by nature (students, interns, tourists)
- roughly a quarter were unremarkable2
- the final quarter were lost due to lapses in retention game
- the overall amount of sex (~30-40 times) was substantially lower than previous years
- didn’t nut inside any of the girls
- related to the above point
- I skew towards the paranoid end of the spectrum re: pregnancy and STIs
- didn’t retain any partner long enough to build enough trust for that risk
- most were distinctly average in appearance and personality
- majority in the 6-6.5 range, with a handful of 7s sprinkled in
- wasn’t interested in seriously dating any of them
2020 was a disastrous year personally: I was going quite literally insane from the intensity of lockdowns in SF, and ended up in a pretty dark place mentally. Online dating, already difficult in SF, became even more savage—I suffered through the longest drought of my life since starting game (3.5 months). But despite this mess, several things went right:
[2020, a comparison view]
- dated two chicks simultaneously (carryover from 2019)
- both white
- this was really, really fun3
- one of the girls was a member of “The Three”4
- two other unremarkable but enjoyable lays
- had a fuckbuddy dynamic with “Ms Cosplayer”
- one of the few undeniable 8s I’ve ever dated
- incredible sexual chemistry, and very bisexual: attempted (without success) to setup a threesome
- also intelligent and compassionate, landing her one of the other spots of “The Three”
What’s going on?
The best way to answer this question is to reframe the goals of pickup. When I started, my sole focus was numbers—specifically, how my numbers stacked up against other guys. I was self-conscious about making my sexual debut at 22 (felt late compared to “prom night” trope), not having any success in college (it’s the easiest time in your life to get laid), and most worrisome: the length of my “lay horizon”5 (3 months). But as the results started to trickle in, the goals began to shift.
I’m beginning to ask myself: what kind of life do I want? In the earlier years of my journey, I became hyperfixated on pickup because it was the one area of my life that was underperforming—hard. But there are many other aspects (athletics, music, travel, etc) that I would be passionate about even if they didn’t have any impact on getting laid. I’m working on building a balanced life: one where I can pursue these other aspects while still getting laid consistently. With this in mind, I set out to reframe my high-level goals:
- be honest
- prioritizing pickup despite messaging about “what I should be doing” (focusing on career, long term relationship, etc.)
- approaching women who I find attractive without hiding my intentions
- working on a long-term plan to move abroad despite career/language/cultural barriers
- find self-acceptance
- building mental fortitude against people who say racist shit (e.g. “Asian guys have tiny dicks”)
- taking pride in what makes my game unique: the places I’ll take her, the stories I’ll tell, the culture I’ll introduce
- cultivating a style/look that is uniquely Asian6
- build relationships
- network of FWBs and/or a girlfriend willing to play with other women
- would address the retention / quantity issue of this year
- perhaps one of the keys to unlocking FFM threesomes
Of course, I’ll continue to track pickup statistics to make sure I’m making effective progress.
Where to go from here?
First off, there can be no future without letting go of the past. Throughout the past two years, I’ve been trapped in the identity of a washed up junkie, endlessly reminiscing about a bygone period of my life. I dreamt of the country I love, the friends and flings who were waiting for me to return and carry on as if no time had passed.
But things change. There is no guarantee that I’d be able to return to my life there; if anything, it’d be safer to assume the people and places have moved on. A bigger issue is the current state of the world, both in terms of geopolitical situation and covid/border controls: as much as I’m committed to returning someday, this isn’t the right time.
I belong here in NYC. This city represents the peak of human performance and is the place where I will learn and grow the most. My 2022 will be a year about pickup. It’s time to go all-in, to remove any excuses for building my best life, and to lay this demon to rest. So here’s to a new year.
1Of all of these women, absolutely zero of them had had success finding another woman, for different reasons (further reading).
2Not unlike a plate of Halal food (shoutout to my main man Amir)
3On several occasions, I’d wake up next to one and nut inside of her. Then, at night, I’d have the other girl suck off the dried juices of the first girl before also nutting inside her—straight up degeneracy. It was amazing.
4The Three: the three women in my life for whom I would’ve ended my player ways.
5lay horizon: the amount of time, on average, it would take you to get laid starting from scratch.
6Dante: “Tonight, you’re Korean and your name is Jin.”